First Year

Wow I've definitely slacked in the blogging department over the past year. I'm making it a goal to do better. Yesterday was Kaiden and Ethan's first birthday. I can't believe how fast this year has gone! We all survived! As I am writing this the boys birthday presents fill almost every part of our living room. They got completely spoiled! My heart is completely full and tears are filling my eyes. I'm so incredibly humbled that the Lord has entrusted me with these two precious miracles. I couldn't imagine a better calling, or job for my life. There are days where they try my patience and bedtime can't come soon enough. But then they look at me with those amazing blue eyes, and give the biggest smiles ever, and I melt. They are amazing individuals and have had to overcome so much in their short lives. I am proud of them, I'm proud to be their mom, and I couldn't imagine my life any different. 

Kaiden

You weigh 19 lbs 8 oz and you are the sweetest boy in the world! Your smile brightens up anyone's day. You love to eat pretty much anything. Right now you love goldfish crackers, bananas, animal crackers, baby puffs, and any baby food. You do not like peas at all. You love bath time and crawl into the bathroom every night. You have slept through the night like a champ for many months. Big brother is probably one of your favorite people. Everything he says you think is hilarious. You still have no teeth but your gums are so swollen and sore. Your favorite word is mama, especially when you are upset. You will walk along furniture and are starting to stand on your own. You love to play with door stoppers and think the noise is great. You have completely stollen my heart and I love you more than anything! Happy birthday pumpkin! 

Ethan

You weigh 15 lbs 6 oz. But this is the first time you've ever been over 15 pounds. You are considerably smaller than your brother. But your attitude makes up for it. You have my personality and are a fiesty little boy. But ohh man you are hilarious and the sweetest boy in the world! You love any food besides pumpkin. Most of the time you want nothing to do with baby food and want people food. You love cereal, crackers, bananas, and Mac and cheese. Bath time is your favorite part of the day. You love water and anything that has to do with water. You still wake up once a night to eat. But as long as your bottle is full you will put yourself back to sleep. You love big brother and follow him everywhere. You do not like it when Kaiden cries, you absolutely freak out. You have 6 teeth. 4 on the bottom and 2 on top but they are not the middle ones, they are your k-9 so you look like a vampire. It's adorable! You walk along furniture and are starting to stand too. You think that door knobs are hilarious and you love to look at them. I love you more than anything!

Their party last night was great! They got absolutely spoiled and one of their primary care nurses, Ruby, came to see them. It was such a great surprise, she hadn't seen them since we came home. Kaiden LOVED his cake! He thought it was the greatest thing ever, and even put his own face in the cake. Ethan wasn't as interested. He didn't like all the loud noises. But they did so good! I can't believe how fast this year has gone. Thank you babies for showing me a love that I never knew was possible. Happy birthday loves! Now time please slow down. 

NICU Update

NICU Day 10: Daddy and I went in to spend the day with you guys. For your 2:00 cares daddy changed Kaiden's diaper. He was having a hard time with bowel movements so we get so excited when he poops. Ted took of his diaper and suddenly Kaiden grunted and BAM- pooped in Ted's hand. It was so funny! I am sure this wont be the last time that one of us gets pooped on :) Today we got to hold both of our sweet boys. They said that we should be able to hold them once a day, every day- which was the best news! I held Ethan for the first time, and Ted held Kaiden for the first time. We were in parental bliss! We went on a Valentines date to Olive Garden. I am so lucky to have two more Valentines this year.


NICU Day 11: We got to hold the boys again today. I did Kangaroo care with Kaiden and Ted held Ethan. These two boys are absolutely amazing! Kaiden stayed the same in weight and Ethan gained 20 grams. When Ethan was sleeping he kept burying his face down into his pillow. We kept turning his face, but he kept repositioning himself. I can tell we are going to find him in all sorts of crazy sleeping positions.


NICU Day 12: Kaiden absolutely hates his multi-vitamin that they give him. He spits it up pretty much every day. Ethan seems to do better with his digestive system overall. Today grandma got to hold Kaiden for the first time. I held him first, then when we went to do Ethan's cares he switched over to grandma. She was in absolute heaven! Today was also the first day that I did Kangaroo care with Ethan. Words cannot describe how amazing it feels to have my babies skin-to-skin against my chest.


NICU Day 13: We got transferred to a new pod today. We moved from D 44 & 45 to C 30 & 31. The room even has a window :) It was great knowing that they were stable enough for them to move them. Today Kaiden gained 10 grams and Ethan gained 20 grams. I love when they gain! Ethan is sooooo close to the 3 lb mark, and we cant wait to have two three pound babies. Both of their sodium levels were a little low, so they have started them both on a sodium supplement. Nothing like a straight dose of salt- ugh! I did not like the nurse today. She pretty much begged to be one of the boys' primary care nurses, and there is no way that I would choose her. I understand that my babies are adorable, but she was crazy! When Ted came to see them today Ethan was sprawled out in his bed. It was so funny! That boy and his sleeping positions :)


NICU Day 14: I cant believe the boys are two weeks old! That is so crazy to me! Ethan weighs 3 lbs 1/2 oz (YAAY over the 3 pound mark!) and Kaiden weighs 3 lbs 7 oz. Today I was able to go to rounds and the doctor said that the boys are both doing great! He said that they should come home before my due date, and he's guessing around 37 weeks. I am so happy that they will be able to come home before my due date. I can't wait to have them home with us! Ethan is still at 1 liter flow and Kaiden is at 3/4 liter. Kaiden is at 26 cc feeding and Ethan is 24 cc. They changed their beds every two weeks so they both got a new isolette.


NICU Day 15: Ethan was all sorts of smiley today when I was holding him :) Its probably because he is now a big boy and is over 3 pounds. Kaiden was just snoozing away looking adorable as ever. Kaiden got to participate in a training with doctors to practice doing head ultrasounds. I think he loved all of the attention that he got. Kaiden weighs 3 lbs 9 oz and Ethan weighs 3 lbs 1 oz. Kaiden is at 28 cc and Ethan is still at 24 cc.


NICU Day 16: Kaiden is now on 1/2 liter flow and Ethan is on 3/4 liter. They upped Kaiden's feeding to 30 cc and Ethan's to 26 cc. I can't believe that they started at 1 cc and look where they are now. They have come so far and are doing excellent. They both had a great weight gain today! Kaiden now weighs 3 lbs 11 oz and Ethan weighs 3 lbs 3 oz. They will have labs done again on Monday and hopefully their sodium levels are higher so they don't have to keep taking that. Today is the first day that Kaiden has shown much interest in his binky. He did so good, and sucked on it during his feeding. Ethan has always loved his binky and continues to do so.

Update

Wow I dont even know where to begin. SOOO much has changed! Long story short, I was admitted into the hospital for 5 weeks with an incompetent cervix (ha fun name right) and with pre-eclampsia (I will write more about this later). I went into the hospital at 23 weeks 2 days and delivered at 28 weeks 3 days. They did an emergency c-section on February 5th and Kaiden was born at 4:31 PM weighing 3 lbs 1 oz and Ethan at 4:32 PM weighing 2 lbs 14 oz. With how early they were born they whisked them right into the NICU and I didn't get to see them. Ted and my mom were able to see them for a few seconds before they passed them on. Ted and my parents got to go see them about a hour and a half after they were born. I got to see them for a few minutes about 3 1/2 hours after they were born (longest hours ever!) I will go into more detail later about this whole experience.

 Kaiden on his CPAP

 

 Ethan on his CPAP

High flow nasal cannula's

 First time seeing their precious faces when they were changing their oxygen to a low flow nasal cannula- one of my favorite moments!

 Mommy holding Kaiden 8 days after he was born- favorite moment for sure!

 Daddy holding Ethan 8 days after he was born

 

NICU Day 1: Since I had just had my c-section they wheeled my bed into their room for about 5 minutes. Once my spinal tap had worn off, I went down to see them around midnight and was able to stay for a little longer. We were all so surprised that they didn't have to be on a ventilator. They are so precious, and I couldn't believe that we made them and that they were ours for eternity.

 

NICU Day 2: Kaiden and Ethan both went off of CPAP. They were not even on it for more than 24 hours, which shocked us. They were able to go to a high flow nasal cannula. They also started feeding them 1 cc of my milk. Kaiden got an umbilical line put in for an IV. They tried to do this with Ethan but his wouldn't take.

 

NICU Day 3: They lowered their level of flow and both of the boys are doing great. I changed Kaiden's diaper and Ted changed Ethan's (who is a total pooping machine!). They increased their feedings to 5cc then 7cc. They are doing great with the new feedings. Ethan got a PICC line put in and it took longer than expected. Poor guy :(

 

NICU Day 4: They lowered their flow and increased their feedings. They are up to 10 cc of milk and they have added fortifier to their milk so they can get more calories. Ethan was weighing 2 lbs 8 oz and Kaiden 2 lbs 12 oz. Ethan lost 13% of his birth weight and Kaiden lost 7%.

 

NICU Day 5: This was one of the hardest days of my life. I was discharged and had to say goodbye to my babies. I was an emotional wreck, to say the least, and hated having to leave the hospital without them. Luckily they both were stable and that made leaving a little easier. They increased both of their feedings. Ethan gained 70 grams and Kaiden gained 10 grams. They were both putting weight back on.

 

NICU Day 6: They kept Ethan's flow the same and lowered Kaidens. With lowering his flow, they were able to change him to a low-flow nasal cannula. This is the first time we got to see his precious face without any tubes. It was so amazing to see- and he is adorable! This is one of my favorite moments! They both got their feedings increased.

 

NICU Day 7: Ethan was able to change to a low flow cannula as well so we got to see his precious face too. He is adorable just like brother. Daddy was able to be there today, and it was so fun sharing that moment with him. Kaiden is at 24 cc of milk and Ethan is at 22 cc.

 

NICU Day 8: They decided to keep the feedings the same today, which mommy was okay with. Kaiden was struggling a bit remembering to breathe so they upped his flow a little bit. They both got their IV lines removed which was a great step for them! They also had a head ultrasound and it showed no brain bleeds- yaay! This is the first time we got to hold them and it was an amazing feeling! I held Kaiden and daddy held Ethan. I will never forget the moment he was placed in my arms and I could feel his warm body against my chest. I was able to hold Kaiden for 1 1/2 hours and Ted held Ethan for over an hour. One of the best days by far! Kaiden is back up to birth weight and Ethan is almost their too :)

 

NICU Day 9: Kaiden is still struggling a bit with his oxygen. He forgets to breathe (which is very common in preemies). But the good thing is that he usually recovers on his own without stimulation from the nurse. He also had a good stool (I never thought I would be so excited for my son to poop) which he hadn't had yet. Hopefully this will help his tummy feel better and he will handle the feedings better. Ethan has done great on the oxygen. He is great at remembering to breathe and is now on 3/4 flow and Kaiden is on 1. The nurse said that the smaller babies tend to do better because they had to fight harder in the womb. I am so glad Ethan is handling the lowered oxygen. I hope that Kaiden has fewer episodes and remembers to breathe. They are going to try a dose of caffeine every 12 hours in hopes that this will help him. They each gained 30 grams. Kaiden is almost to 3 lbs 3 oz and Ethan is at 2 lbs 13 oz. One more ounce for Ethan and they are both back up to birth weight!

 

I am going to try and start blogging every night so that I can remember more details about what occurred that day. I want to be able to look back on this time and remember the ups and downs that we went through. Luckily the boys have had a ton of ups. They are doing much better than expected. We have had several nurses say that this is one of the fastest transitions they have seen, and that both boys are doing phenomenal. We are so blessed to have these sweet boys in our lives and that we are lucky enough to be their parents.

 

Kaiden:

You are so laid back and chill. Mommy thought that you were going to be the active one when you were in my womb, but that is so not the case. You are so happy and content just hanging out. Mommy loves when you open your eyes and just stare into mine. You have started to become more awake and it is so fun to see. You love having your right foot out of your snuggie, and we find you like this frequently. You have webbed toes on both of your feet, which is so cute. They aren't webbed a lot, and daddy is convinced it will make you a better swimmer. We love you so so so much and are so happy you joined our family!

 

Ethan:

You are definitely inquisitive! You want to see everything that is going on around you. You are usually very alert and awake. You LOVE your pacifier and having your hands by your face. You love to flair out your toes, almost like you are rubbing it in brothers face that you don't have webbed feet. You get jealous when mommy and daddy are with brother and you like to have your monitors go off. I have a feeling that you are going to be the active one with Kaiden right behind you following you. We love you so so so much and we are thankful you chose us to be your parents! 

Twins.... Yes, you read that right

I wanted to write this entry while things are still pretty new. I want to be able to look back on this time, and remember all these emotions. Please don't judge me for my reaction, this is a candid description on my feelings on that day. So here it goes....

Wednesday December 4th I woke up and couldn't wait for the day to start. Our appointment was at 1:45 for our first ultrasound. I put on Facebook to ask people if they thought boy or girl (yes, key word OR) and we got mixed results- some boy some girl. I picked Dylan up from school, and couldn't handle the excitement.

We went to the hospital to get the ultrasound. We were surrounded by members from both of our families. When the tech came out to get me, she thought that I was there for my 6 week pregnancy confirmation ultrasound. Um.... no! I felt huge (haha no wonder why) and there's no way that I was only 6 weeks. She then said that after we found out the gender, that some people would have to leave the room because it gets too complicated.

We get into the room and she starts asking everyone what they think the gender is. My sister in law Sandra pipes up and says, "I think its twins." This is not the first time that I heard this. I got asked a few times if I was having twins. I always replied that I did not want to have twins, and that I would cry tears of sadness if that were the case.

The tech puts the ultrasound wand on and the image comes on the screen. There are definitely a lot of body parts in there. I start to panic a little bit, and she says, "Well there are two in there." I said, "You are kidding me?!?" I immediately start to cry. She then proceeds to say that she is going to look around to make sure that there aren't three babies. I sat there, livid as all get out, praying and praying that there were only (ha) two. If she would have told me there were three, I honestly would have punched her in the face right then and there. Luckily (ha again) there were two babies. If Dylan had not been in the room I am sure some profane language would have came out of my mouth. But I just sat there, crying my eyes out. I did not say a word for a good 10 minutes. In shock was the understatement of the century. Ted was surprised, to say the least, but within a minute or so he was happy. Everyone in the room was happy but me. My mom knew that I was panicking came to me and said that everything would be okay. This just let to more tears, I couldn't believe this was happening. It all felt like a dream, and it still feels a little hazy to me.

The tech then says that we would be here for about two hours. With having twins, it is double the parts to find and sometimes can be difficult to see. But within a matter of minutes she could tell that both of them were boys. Our boys were definitely strutting their stuff! This is when I thought the tech would make some of our family leave. But she must have felt bad for me (she didn't realize that we didn't know) and she let everyone stay. She started looking at "Baby A." I'm not going to lie, I don't really remember much about her exam on "Baby A." I just sat there, crying, looking at the screen in disbelief. She saw all the parts she needed to, and was going to have the radiologist look at them to make sure they were okay. I needed to pee (no wonder I have to pee all the time) and it took every ounce of strength to not break down in there. I looked in the mirror, eyes red and puffy, and couldn't believe this was happening. I walked out to many hugs from our family. I am so thankful that they were there, encouraging us and letting me know it would be okay.

It was now "Baby B" turn for the exam. This time the shock had wore off a little, and I paid more attention. The babies are on opposite ends and "Baby B" is on top. It was so neat to be able to see them both moving around. I couldn't believe these two babies were inside of me. The tech saw all that she needed to on both babies, which is a huge blessing. With new policies in place, she couldn't say anything. You could see a distinct line between the two babies, indicating that they are fraternal twins. She said that there was fluid, a line, and more fluid. This was her way of confirming our thoughts without coming out and saying it. We meet with my doctor next Tuesday to go over all of the results.

I have been asked how we didn't know up until this point. That is something I keep asking myself. All of my blood work levels came back within normal range. But after doing some research the normal level for singletons (yeah I learned that this was a term yesterday) and twins overlap in the same range. We heard the heartbeat on 3 different occasions, only hearing one. I was not on any fertility medication. Twins don't run in either of our families. I was measuring on the higher end for singletons, but nothing out of range. There was just no reason to suspect twins.

Fast forward to that night. I was an utter mess. I cried, and cried, and cried. I couldn't believe that this was happening. This is not what I wanted. When I woke up that morning, this was not what I was expecting. I thought that night Ted and I would be talking about the gender of our one baby. I broke down on a few occasions and just sobbed. Poor Dylan came into our room and saw me crying. He was so worried and concerned about me. I asked Ted to put him to bed because I wanted to be alone. Ted said that his prayer that night was the cutest thing ever. He prayed for his baby brothers that they would be strong and healthy. He prayed for me, that I would be okay and happy. Ohh that little boy, I love him so much! He has wanted twins from the beginning and wanted a brother. Well he got his wish, with two brothers. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband that loves me and comforted me as best he could. I am so glad that he wasn't freaking out or else that would have made it so much worse. I asked him to give me a blessing and that helped.

That night I woke up around 1 AM and said quite a few prayers. I got this overwhelming feeling of peace. I realized that these two boys were supposed to come to earth together. We don't know why, but they are supposed to be here at the same time. They chose us to be their parents. They are precious little miracles and Heavenly Father has a plan for them. Things will be hard, yes. I am sure we will get next to no sleep once they come. But they are supposed to be in our family, and the Lord will bless us with strength. From that moment on, I felt much better about the situation. I am still surprised, and I'm sure I will be for a while. But I can say I am at peace, and happy that my two boys are coming.

Baby Boys,
I am sure that you are happy that we are acknowledging that you are both in there. Mommy was so surprised to find out that there are two of you growing inside of me. I am so incredibly humbled that you chose me to be your mom. You two will bless me in ways that I cant even begin to comprehend. You are so loved by so many people! You have the world's best big brother. He cant want to be able to play with you and teach you so many things. He asked me yesterday if on the weekends if you two could sleep in his room with him. He is so excited for you to join our family. You have the worlds best dad. He will teach you what it is like to be a husband, father, friend, and a good person. He is so excited about you two. He keeps telling me how awesome it will be! There is no doubt that you two will teach me patience. But you will also teach me about a love I never thought was possible. There is no doubt that finding out about you two was a surprise, but I am coming to the realization that I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you two more than words can describe. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. I love you!

18 Weeks

I officially have felt the baby move :) On November 26th, I was on a field trip with Dylan's class at the Natural History Museum when it happened. We were walking up the stairs and I kept feeling a jab in my left side. It almost feels like a tickle, but very hard to explain. I love feeling the baby move, and try everything in my power to make them move more lol. Yes, I am sure in about a month or so I will not want the baby to move so much lol. But for now I love the feeling and can't get enough! It was funny, we were watching Four Christmas' and I told the baby that they can't throw up in my mouth. Then the baby kicked me (hopefully in agreement) it was so fun the timing of it. My new craving has been French onion chip dip. Yep, I have eaten bags full of chips, and cartons full of dip. I can't help it, it is so good! We find out on Wednesday what the gender is, and it can't come soon enough! We love you baby, and can't wait to be able to call you he or she :)

Today is also our 2nd anniversary! I can't believe how fast the past two years have gone. But I also cant remember a time before Ted was in my life. I am seriously so lucky to have him! He is an amazing man that handles me at my worst (pregnancy hasn't helped in that category lol), and loves me at my best. He is an amazing dad, and I cant wait to see him interact with this little one. I am incredibly lucky to be with him for eternity!

17 Weeks

On Wednesday we went for my 17 week check-up. Things are looking really good. I love being able to hear the baby's heartbeat! I could seriously listen to it for hours! These past few weeks I have been feeling HUGE! My belly has definitely popped, and continues to grow! I asked my doctor if I was measuring big, and he said I am on the higher end of things. Haha, yeah that's a nice way to say, "Yep, your huge!" Having a preggo belly is still something I am getting used to. Sometimes I have to do a double take in the mirror. But I have had such an easy pregnancy so far, and I have much to be grateful for. We are finding out the gender of the baby on December 4th and I can't begin to describe how excited we are! I seriously can't wait! Some people think its a boy, some think its a girl. I am okay with either. I am now to the point that I just want to know the gender so the real shopping can begin :)

Baby,
Mom loves you more than anything! I can't wait to start feeling you kick and move! Even though my belly has started getting a few stretch marks (yes, I had a little breakdown over it lol) you are completely worth it! You are loved by so many people, and we all can't wait to meet you! Thank you for choosing us to be your family. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy! I love you baby!

13 & 14 Weeks

At 13 1/2 weeks we went to the doctor and got to hear the heartbeat really good. That is the most amazing sound in the world! I listen to the recording a few times every day just to hear that sweet sound! Last time at the doctor we could only hear it for about 2 seconds, and Dylan didn't hear it. This time, Dylan proudly announced, "I heard it that time!" He is going to be such a good big brother and loves on my belly all the time. We went maternity shopping for me, and Dylan was so cute! He was so excited to pick out new clothes for me. He found a shirt for me, and he was so excited for me to try it on. He loved it, and wanted me to wear it right then and there. He now refers to the shirt as "my shirt." He is so cute and I am grateful to have him in my life!

14 weeks my belly POPPED! I feel like it came out of nowhere and just BAM baby belly! Between Ted, Dylan, and my mom my belly has its fair share of love. But I'm okay with that! Luckily I am still feeling pretty good! Lately my hips have been hurting at night, and that's been no fun. But hopefully that is only temporary :) We will find out the sex of the baby the first week of December, and I can't wait! We love you baby!

Now here's a pic of the bump- I feel HUGE!